Lessons in Leadership, Loss, and Letting Go
From farm life to the frontlines, and finally to a deeper understanding of healing, identity, and purpose, this is a story about what it really means to lead, to serve, and ultimately, to heal forward.
The Animals Ate First
One of the most grounding leadership lessons didn’t come from a boardroom or battlefield, it came from the barn. Intellect and philosophies, his overall approach to life, his constant desire to help others, and his daily success, meet United States Air Force Command Chief Master Sergeant with over 30 years of service David Nordel. To his friends, Dave.
Dave, like so many young men. joined the Air Force age of 19. While Dave made this qa passion and ascended through the enlisted ranks to culminate as the senior enlisted leader for all nuclear missile forces in the United States.
I was asking him about his leadership style, Dave recalled. “And he said, ‘From the time we were responsible for feeding animals, picking crops, anything, it was never about us. The animals ate first.”
This ethic of service of doing the hard things first, of prioritizing the needs of others before yourself, shaped how he lived and led. You didn’t rest until the work was done. You didn’t eat until others were taken care of. And that kind of responsibility doesn’t disappear, it becomes part of your DNA.
Giving as a Way of Life (and the Hidden Cost)
In faith and life, giving is often celebrated. But when it becomes your identity, the blessing can also become a burden.
“Even Jesus lamented,” Dave noted. “There’s this idea that if you’re giving and serving, you’re not allowed to be tired or frustrated. But Scripture shows that even Christ had limits. He questioned. He got angry. He withdrew. There’s deep teaching in that.”
After a career that began with delivering babies in the Air Force and led to emergency trauma nursing, combat zones, and military leadership, Dave’s life had been shaped by what he references as the “microwaved effect”, as he put it, by intensity. The outer self might appear the same, but the inside? Transformed forever.
“When the microwave changes the DNA in foods, so does trauma, and there’s no going back. Even if you look the same, you’re not the same.”
Transition, Identity, and the Chasm in Between
Military transition is one of the most abrupt identity shifts a person can experience.“One day, you have structure, purpose, camaraderie, and wingmen. The next? It’s all gone.”
For Dave, the mission now is helping veterans navigate that chasm, helping employers understand what’s been lost with the individuals and how to assist them rebuild it in civilian life. Because at the heart of loss is something deeply human: the need to belong, to serve, to be part of something larger than yourself.
Victimhood vs. Ownership: A Choice We All Face
There was a powerful moment in our conversation when we shifted toward trauma, pain, and the healing journey. “When life deals you blows, whether it’s PTSD, moral injury, or a personal tragedy, you get two choices,” Dave said. “You can become a victim, or you can own your healing.” I shared how therapy often helped me, but always temporarily. It either placed the blame on me or someone else. It didn’t offer full resolution, it kept me tethered to the pain.
Through Divine Intervention
Over the past eight years, I have learned what I now call “Healing Forward.” It’s not about assigning blame or seeking justice. It’s not about spiritual bypassing or pretending we’re fine. Healing forward means honoring what happened and choosing to walk through it with compassion, for yourself and others. It means reclaiming peace without permission from the past.
You Deserve to Be Free
Sometimes we hold on because we believe someone deserves to be blamed. But freedom doesn’t come from justice, it comes from release. “That person might’ve been an ass,” said honestly. “By desire and deserving more than staying stuck in anger or hurt. deserve freedom.” We all do!
Healing Forward Means Owning Your Story
Most of us want peace. We say we want healing. But when life hands us hardship, trauma, or regret, our reflex is often to run. Run from responsibility. Run from the truth. Run from the part of the story that implicates us. And while we’re running, we rewrite the script in our minds to justify it all, telling ourselves why it’s not our fault.
But here’s the truth
“Healing doesn’t happen in denial. It begins with ownership”. There’s a moment in all of our lives when the metaphorical baseball shatters the window. Maybe you pitched the ball. Maybe you swung the bat. Maybe you just stood there and watched. But the window broke. Now what? Do you run? Do you blame? Or do you walk toward the house, knock on the door, and say, “I did this. How can I help fix it?” That’s self-awareness. That’s emotional maturity. And that’s the beginning of healing forward.
Accountability Isn’t Shame—It’s Liberation
Many of us were raised in homes or systems where admitting fault meant punishment, rejection, or pain. So we learned to deflect, to rationalize, to justify. But true healing doesn’t come from blaming others, or even just blaming ourselves. It comes from telling the truth with compassion.
As Dave said, “Highly emotionally intelligent people sit back, ponder for a minute, and take responsibility.” Not out of guilt. Out of growth. You’re not weak for acknowledging where you went wrong. You’re wise. Because here’s the thing: “you can’t heal what you won’t own”.
Pain Will Always Find a Way Out
People who stay stuck in victimhood often carry something in their other hand, a numbing agent. Alcohol. Anger. Control. Perfectionism. Drugs. Sex. Busy-ness. Whatever dulls the ache. But pain doesn’t just go away. It leaks out. And if you don’t process it, you’ll pass it onto your partner, your kids, your coworkers, or yourself. This is a generational tendency carried forward
Healing forward means facing your pain without blaming the world for it. It means choosing peace over punishment. It means choosing truth over temporary comfort. Because, after all, this is “Why You Are Here.”
You, my friends, are here for much more than you realize. Let the realization of this become your passion and purpose to begin a “Live Made Easier” by “Living from the Inside Out”. The time has come when the world is waking up to the meaning God, the Almighty Creator, intended for humanity.
Healing Forward Is a Practice, Not a Personality Trait
No one is born self-aware. No one wakes up emotionally fluent. Like Dave said, “I’m not special. I just did the work.”Healing forward isn’t a superpower, it’s a choice. And you can make that choice at any point in your journey. You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be willing to stop running, own your truth, and take the next right step. That’s what real strength looks like.
Action Over Stagnation
Words matter. “Victimhood” is stagnant. “Healing forward” is a movement. Even when the healing is messy… even when you stumble… even when you have to go back and apologize or start again, you are still moving forward. Healing is not meant to hurt. It’s a gift we give ourselves for personal growth through self-awareness.”
So here’s the invitation:
- If something you’ve done is still haunting you, own it.
- If you’re tempted to rewrite your story to avoid blame, pause.
- If someone wronged you, but you’ve let that become your identity, look within and just breathe.
- And if you’re ready to stop numbing and start healing, take the next brave step.
Giving yourself the gift of accountability, the grace to change, and the courage to live with open hands and a clear heart is healing forward means. Because peace? It’s not the absence of pain. It’s the result of owning your part in the story and choosing to grow anyway.
Healing Forward: What Are You Filling Your Cracks With?
Currently, we live in a culture that rewards productivity, perfection, and the appearance of success. But what happens when all of that collapses, when the cracks in our lives can no longer be hidden? Healing forward means more than recovering from pain; it means growing into something wiser, stronger, and more whole. It starts by asking: What are you really filling your cracks with?
The Myth of External Salvation
In the words of Dave himself, “We’ve all been there, reaching for the next thing: a new job, a new car, a new relationship, a new body, a new vacation. But none of these ‘new’ things can save us. The only true source of peace, the kind that sustains us through every valley, comes from a deep, personal relationship with God.
“There’s only one book that truly teaches how to live in peace, it hasn’t been edited, updated, or outlived. It’s the Bible.”
“We crave easy answers, a seven-step plan to happiness, but transformation isn’t a checklist. It’s a surrender. Returning home to the truth that God already holds the wheel.”
Sincere Healing: Without Wax
More from Dave Nordel to noodle on, “In biblical times, broken clay pots were patched with wax to appear whole. The word sincere actually comes from the Latin phrase ‘sine cera’, meaning without wax. And isn’t that what we all want? A life that holds water, not one masked by surface-level fixes.’ He went on to explain, In Japan, they repair broken pottery with gold, a practice called kintsugi. The cracks aren’t hidden, they’re highlighted. What would it look like to honor our own brokenness the same way? Having compassion for others’ brokenness?
“We all have cracks. What are you filling them with? Alcohol? Approval? A relationship? Or are you letting God fill them with something lasting?”
Narcissism, Control, and the Power of God
During our conversation, I shared with Dave that the first person I dated after God hit my reset button was narcissistic (listen to my story here). Here is what this brilliant man shared with me,
“Narcissists are threatened by people they cannot control. That’s why a grounded, spiritually aware person, someone rooted in something higher than approval, terrifies them. If your worth comes from God, manipulation doesn’t work”.
“Once I started solidifying my foundation, the relationship ended. I became impenetrable, and he moved on to easier prey.” There was nothing wrong with me at all. I was growing into who I am meant to become. Healing involves seeing the manipulation for what it is, forgiving ourselves for staying too long, and letting go. And forgiveness starts from within.
Spiritual Listening: The Body Doesn’t Lie
Your body always knows first. Whether it’s a quickened heart, a wave of anxiety, or a gut instinct, your body is speaking to you. The Holy Divine guidance you are given before entering this lifetime. Guiding your every step with passion, purpose, and unconditional, eternal love. Listen closely; Dave explains, “Nine out of ten women who were assaulted said their bodies told them to leave and they didn’t listen.” I am a testament to this being so true. I knew myself.
Our Divine guidance often comes not in words, but through our five senses. Tangible, sacred, internal nudges. And when we numb ourselves with business, noise, or scrolling, we miss the wisdom that’s already there.
Unfollowing to Heal
Healing also means spiritual discernment, including on social media. If someone’s post makes your chest tighten or your energy drop, unfollow them. You are under no obligation to continue consuming what doesn’t serve your soul. “For every 2,000 people you unfollow, there are 2,000 others who will speak life into you.” Make room for voices that uplift, challenge with love, and align with your values. Your peace is too important to compromise for digital politeness.
The Quiet Rebuild
Sometimes the most sacred season is the quiet one no people, no distractions, just you and God. Yard work, craft projects, spiritual routines, time alone. These moments are where worth is rediscovered and strength is rebuilt. “I built something inside of me that said: I’m worthy. I didn’t need anyone else to say it.”
Conclusion: Healing is a Daily Choice
Healing forward means facing the pain, naming the cracks, and choosing every day to let God fill them with grace. It means listening to your body, unfollowing what drains you, forgiving what hurt you, and remembering that you are already whole, wax or no wax.
“Heal Forward: Choosing a Life That Honors Truth”
Final Thoughts:
Your DNA May Have Changed, But So Has Your Capacity. You might not be the same after what you’ve been through. But maybe that’s not a bad thing. Maybe, like Dave, you’ve become someone who understands both service and self-care. Someone who knows when to show up and when to rest. Someone who’s no longer afraid to be honest about what hurts, but also chooses to keep moving forward. This is what healing forward looks like: honoring the past without being held hostage by it. Leading with integrity. Loving with boundaries. And choosing, again and again, to be whole.
Releasing on May 20, 2025. Watch the entire podcast interview here.
In grace and gratitude,
~ Lesley pazdzioch
